My 16th birthday is in 4 days. And I'm excited as all teenagers usual are. =]
I go horse back riding tommorrow for the first time in FOREVER. I'm excited about that, as well.

But a blog posted to my myspace:

So today, January 28th, 2008, I drove to Hawkins Texas to celebrate the long loving-filled life of Sandra Dotson, also known as Sandy, the World-Class hugger. Ever since I was born (yes, at 2 months old I started the tradition) I have driven out with my grandparents (now only grandPARENT as one is deceased) to Hawkins, Texas to help plant the fall harvest and help with the Dotson family. I am frequently asking to go on weekends and in summer to visit the Dotson's and I've grown up beleiving that they were part of my family. I think I was 6 when I learned that they were only friends of my grandma's via roommates in a duplex in Florida. But I call these people my family anf in a way, they are.

Then I met the two grandson's: Robert and Myles. Robert was only 8 and Myles was a little older. Each time I visit Hawkins they come to the Dotson house to 'play' with me and such, and they have grown to be my "Big Brothers, and in a sense they really are. I used to beleive that I would grow up to marry Robert, but that was when I was little and he was cute. Then, I think I was 10 or 11 maybe, I went to visit the Dotson house and Robert wasn't there. This was the day I grew attached to Myles. I think maybe I was younger, huh....I can't remember. Oh well. Anyways, Myles was old(er) and he picked me up and carried me around everywhere. Robert eventually came over and we spent the day mowing the entire lawn (oh, did I mention Hawkins is in the middle of nowhere? I LOVE it =]) and I rode on Robert's lap while we ran over dead trees and got stuck in ditches (oops...lol my fault). We were running around playing football, when a shotgun rang out. Robert and Myles immediately came over and put there arms around me and shunned me into the house. Lately I've really liked Myles the best, cuz he's the only one who comes over to visit us when we come over (Robert is in college and is enlisting in the Marines with his fiancee). Last year, we went to the Dotson's, and I spent the entire day talking with Myles and Myles alone. And he spilled everything to me. He told me about his life, and kept wanting me to do good in school and kept on asking that I don't go down the wrong path. If you knew just how much we spent together you would really know why I'm crying right now.

Today, I walked into the funeral home, stood by the graveside, and saw Myles holding hands with a pregnant lady, and I was crushed. I was happy the Myles was happy, but she didn't look good enough for him. The entire time we were IN Hawkins, he paid attention to her, which I can respect, but he isn't grown up enough to have a family quite yet and frankly, I was informed that he's not even married yet. I was stunned and I kept trying to talk to him, but he kept shooing me away. It wasn't until the very end till I talked to him, when we were leaving. He picked me up and gave me a hug and said "Bye, I love you babygirl." And no, we aren't 'romantically' associated, that's his nickname for me. It kinda confuses me what we are, but I told him I love him too and left. Annnd he saw me crying and when he asked why I said nothing.

And the whole reason I'm writing this is because of the late Sandy Dotson, who had an anurism (sp?) and fell dead in the bathroom. It was hard looking at the bathroom today, and don't laugh cuz I was crying histerically the entire time. Anyways, in a way, and I don't mean this disrespectfully, her death brought me to reality to the fact that Myles has a family and I feel like I'm replaced. I'm old enough to know better, and I know that change happens and you have to move on, but this really hurt me. Me and the Dotson family are really close, and with Myles it's like I have this sibling bond to him that's hurting me. You have to look at it in a typical situation type manner. It's like an older sibling going off to college, except it's better and worse at the same time. It's better because he's not really my brother, but it's worse because he is moving off into his life now and soon he'll forget about me and I don't want that to happen.

Ken, Sandy's husband, is rapidly losing his mental capability, and without a companion, he's scared and doesn't know how to fend for himself without Sandy, and soon we won't have a reason to visit Hawkins anymore. I'm really scared, I love Myles and Robert and Ken and Sandy, they mean the world to me because they are the people that I grew up with, and I'm losing all of them at once. I don't know what to do. And don't tell me to move on because I KNOW that change happens, it's just hard to lose someone that close to you. It's worse because my big brothers aren't really blood related, and there is no law that I have to keep in touch with them...which means the same to them. And because we're not blood-related, it's a stronger connection to them, because if I were legally their sister, Myles probably wouldn't have told me a bunch of stuff that he did last year... Please don't tell me it'll be ok, because it won't, I'm not gonna become emo or cut myself, but I'm not going to get over this. My childhood is almost over and the only people that I have memories of it with are leaving me.

Ok, I think I'm through.

**Another thing!**

I had another AcDec contest, I was the only one on our team to win 2 medals =]
And me and john have been together for 6 months as of January 30th! =]

After 27 long days of loneliness and boredom, I finally saw my man. Me and my mom went Christmas shopping and I, with my superiority in intelligence and brilliance, suggested we spend half an hour driving to a certain Target in the town of *censored* near the highway *censored*. We pulled up and I was so excited, I walked past him. It was awkward, but the minute he called my name the BIGGEST grin appeared across my face, I turned around and jumped into his arms and spent what felt like 10 minutes in heaven with him, but in all actuality it was probably 2. He had 15 minutes until his break, and my mom said we would leave by then, but with her, she always makes it seem as if she hates my boyfriend, when we all know that he's by far her favorite yet. I love him so much. So much to the point that I hadn't mentioned that I had been harassed the day before and well...persuaded into doing something that I didn't intend to-but slightly wanted to-do. I'm not going to go into the details, but we'll just say it involved a private space in a public area with someone I gave myself 'up' to. Ah well, some things are best left unsaid. And honestly, I resisted it. Wel, tried to, anyways. When someone admits it's rape, that's pretty bad, isn't it? He didn't choke me, or tie me to a wall or anything, I honestly think he was trying to be sexy and it worked...just in a negative way. Anyways, back to my story. John bought me reeses, showed me my promise ring I will be receiving for Christmas. $80 looks pretty good in diamonds and silver.

My Christmas was exciting. Here is the complete list of presents I got.

School:
-Shimmer Wand
-reeses
-CD
-sunchips
-hersheys bar and truffles
-A Green offbrand of My Little Pony lol =]

Dad's:
-$175
-$25 iTunes g/c
-$25 Starbucks g/c
-$50 Victorias Secret g/c
-photo album
-2 dividers
-Bath and Body works lotion, bubble bath, mints, shimmer wand, and bath confetti
-part of my Great Great Grandmas Rabbit Collection
-A Phone Call From My Dad

Mom:
-TTYL and TTFN
-Pine Hollow #4
-NHL 2007 for my PS2
-Nancy Drew: The Haunted Carousel #8
-Nancy Drew: Message In A Haunted Mansion #3
-DALLAS STARS PAJAMAS!!!!
-iPod Touch!

Grandma's:
-STARS Sweatshirt!
-Nancy Drew: The Secret of Shadow Ranch #10
-Nancy Drew: Curse of Blackmoor Manor (i heard from my herinteractive.com ebuddies this one is sickingly frightening)
-Nancy Drew: The Crystal Skull #18...i think
-$15 g/c to iTunes
-Lifetime membership (gym)
-More Pine Hollow Books
-Clothes...or rather...a bunch of money-filled receipts from clothes =]
-POTC3
-Star Wars 1, 2 & 3

So there you have it invisible folks who read my lectures on life. My dream list o' gifts. =]

Sooooo.....it's been a while. You know why?
The day after I got this my mother said I'm restricted from all computers because I didn't know where her abreva was. Hah. Fortunately, I can live without the computer, books are just as much (if not more) exciting and adventurour as the world of the internet. So how have ya'll been? Well, I don't really have a 'ya'll' to address yet so...I'ma have to get onto that. But there's no harm in writing anyways.

I still haven't seen John yet...I swear every minute I speak to him or even think of him I fall even more in love with him...but lately he seems weird, and it's getting me worried. Although I'm he's probably just tired from life and the shit that happens in it, my female instinct tells me to be worried so, I am. =]

I haven't had much horse back riding action in a while, and I asked my mom to call the barn to see if they need any help, but she's forgotten (yet again) and I don't have the number. It would help if I did, now wouldn't it?

Today my school had an Academic Decathlon meet and I enjoyed every minute of it (except for the few hours we were actually TESTING). I spent the day hanging out with Jazmin, Andrew, Tyler, Francois, Rachel, and all them smart ass people, and I am proud to say that even though I didn't win anything (the 4 teams we competed against all won 3 medals per student AT LEAST, and us? just 4 total...of 30 people =/ and we were the only ones with that many, each school had 9) I made it onto my Academic Decathlon team in 3rd place varsity =]. I'm excited, but I know that I'm going to have to study my ass off if I plan on contributing at all. ESPECIALLY econ. I made a 140 on Economics...out of 1000. Good news is I made 580s on everything else (Science, Math, Super Quiz (history), Art, Music, and Lang & Lit) so I guess thats good. I did better than alot of people I know. It's not official, but I plan on doing EVERYTHING possible to make the team.

Finally, I want to talk about boy problems like everyone else. I still speak to John everyday, and he posted a paragraph on his myspace about being in love, but it still worries me that I don't get to talk, nonetheless SEE, him as much as I would prefer. Ionly get 30 minutes a day and that's if his mom is in a GOOD mood. And I feel I'm getting farther and farther away from him. We haven't made a 'sexual connection' in a VERY long time (no I'm not a sex addicted girl who does 5 guys a day for pleasure, I see sex as a way to make my man happy and improve our relationship and strengthen our bond) and my body is not used to it (you ladies out there that are taken happily and involved in a long term relationship, you know what I mean). I really miss him and would like to return to our previous status of lying in bed together with candlelight and noone to bother us while our song is playing. I was happy. Really happy. He keeps telling me that there will be a day we will be able to do whatever we want with no limits (marriage) but that is REALLY far away. And I want to go out of state and he doesn't so much like the idea even though he knows our relationship wil not affect my education.

Man, I don't know. I need a horse.

Current Mood: exhausted

Alright, well, first off, I'm Erika. I'm 16 and I live in a state that you're not allowed to know about. I love horse back riding, soccer (I've played on my soccer team for 14 years), Stars Wars, Winter, Nancy Drew PC games, and my boyfriend of 4 months (since Nov. 30) John. I'm too lazy to write in a journal, plus...what's the point of doing that if no one can read it? That's a reason technology is useful today. I plan on going to UVA and nothing is going to stop me...except out of state tuition. SO, my backup plans are MSU or A&M. I want to major in biomedical engineering, and eventually own a barn or go into 3-Day Eventing (hopefully Olympic level but every 10 year old with a pony wants that ;]). I have a lot of ambition and once I set a goal for myself, not even a brick wall can stop me.

It's 12:20 AM on a school night. I probably should go to sleep. That or study for AcDec. So, yea, that's me in a jiffy. =]

Current Location: On the couch.
Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Suffocated by J. Holiday.